Assorted Wingdings

“I felt sorry for Nicole as the victim of this mess…But on hindsight, after hearing of Nicole’s departure to the United States and now knowing that she has decided to start a life there – my view has taken a full 360 degree swing.” (Criticizing the Smith CA Ruling by Sara Soliven de Guzman, The Philippine Star, 27 April 2009) Someone must have been in the washroom retouching her makeup when her geometry teacher was teaching how to measure an angle. A full 360 degrees is a circle, thus restoring to Sara Soliven de Guzman her sympathies for Nicole. If she had been less zealous in her self-righteousness Ms. de Guzman might have realized that she only needs 180 degrees to express her contempt for Nicole.

Have been seeing an odd sight on EDSA these days: white shirted and be-jeaned men with yellow reflectorized sashes draped across their torsos standing alongside the metro traffic aides. By their official-looking mien (or are they just bored and hungry?) and what seemed to be traffic tickets they were holding, I can only deduce that they must have something to do with traffic management. Sort of like aides to the traffic aides. Neat - a solution not just to the horrid traffic, but to rising unemployment. And the only cost to the government must be the reflectorized sashes as - judging from the shabby condition of their tees and jeans – the uniforms were provided by the individuals themselves. Shouldered by the private sector, salary is variable and is based on an incentive scheme that works like this: flag bus, cite for traffic violations, extort as much as you can. Must be BF’s idea of a private-public partnership. It’s also an idea that ranks up there with those pink urinals.

Speaking of redundancies, when clearing customs in the NAIA arrivals terminal you’ll have to have the customs officer stamp your declaration form. However, you’ll notice that you don’t surrender the form to that officer. You surrender it to another officer who stands at the exit which is, oh, five feet away from the customs officer who just stamped your declaration.

Even with all those additional congressmen, the House still couldn’t muster a quorum to impeach Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez, never mind that Congress is still in session. Fortunately or not, it wasn’t due to any organized political move by majority congressmen, but by their hying off to Las Vegas to watch the Pacquiao-Hatton fight. Foremost among the absentees is House Speaker Prospero Nograles who - when asked why he is among the House delinquents - petulantly declared that he has never missed watching a Pacquiao fight live. Oo nga naman, why break a perfect record? Tsk, we should be more sympathetic.

First there was avian flu, then swine flu, now congressmen flew. Ok, that didn’t work…

To be fair, many congressmen are not attending the Pacquiao fight and are just as annoyed by the absence of their Las Vegas-bound colleagues. Some of them have even suggested that since the current swine flu epidemic has been raised by the WHO to near-pandemic status, those congressmen who went to the US (where the flu has spread from Mexico) must be quarantined on their return to the Philippines. If it wasn’t for the health of the other congressmen who stayed behind, I would even suggest that they all be quarantined together IN Congress. That way, whatever sicknesses they carry – and that includes insensitivitis, kapalmukhaytis, and the corruptorola virus, to name a few – just circulate amongst themselves.