Friday, May 29, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me

My 43rd year is coming to an end and, like all passages one undertakes, I look forward to the coming year with some anticipation and a smidgen of nervousness. In just a couple of hours I will turn 44. If I were furniture I would probably qualify as "mid-century modern". These past couple of days I've already received advance greetings - someone even sent me a bottle of chardonnay this morning (2002 Mcguigan from Australia). Publicly, I affect a blase attitude about all this. As I've been telling advance greeters these past days, it's rude to remind me that I'm on my last two days of being 32 years old.

But - and we've heard this before - birthdays are special and should take on added significance the older one gets. It's a time to count one's battle scars and wonder that one still stands. It's a time to remember past hurts and put these into perspective - they're not so bad after all and life does have a way of providing a healing salve. It's also a time for affirmation, that the person who is celebrating another year past (and another year coming) is still, for all intents and purposes, a great person who can still bench press 120 lbs. - I'm hitting the gym first thing tomorrow; laugh at himself; and try to be a good father to an adorable five year old daughter.

Happy birthday, dude.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Sex Files

In Kenya a man is suing a womens’ activist group for having (successfully, it seems) urged women to boycott sex. The move was in protest to the fragility of the coalition government in the Kenyan parliament. According to the paintiff because his wife deprived him of sex he suffered sleepless nights, anxiety, dizziness and backache. Now, there are many ways to address those complaints – Nyquil for sleepless nights, Cert for dizzines, and stretches for a bad back, but all this is beside the point and merely sidesteps what men have been reluctant to acknowledge: the ever increasing power of the vagina. While women have always known about that organ’s hold over men, they have only now discovered the creative potential for its political uses. As a man I might not be able to fully understand the deep motivations behind the Kenyan womens’ actions. Displeasure with the state of the nation is the most obvious trigger but I’m almost certain that deep down there is a realization on womens’ part that one method of expressing disapproval – cutting off a man’s penis as in the case of John Wayne Bobbit – is losing its efficacy.

Back to the Philippines: sexpot Katrina Halili has filed charges against local lothario Hayden Kho for the proliferation of videos showing them cavorting and having sex. She has even gotten a senator on her side who, in a privilege speech, demanded the revocation of Dr. Kho’s medical license on the ground that he had taken advantage of his patient’s supposed vulnerability and weaknesses. (Scratch head) So what started out as a private romp between two consenting adults has become a public menage a trois with this senator as asungot. Hayden, you should be wishing that you’re in Kenya right now where the most you’ll get is, well, not getting any of it.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Martin's Anthem

Last Sunday’s Pacquiao-Hatton fight had more than just Hatton as a casualty. Singer Martin Nievera’s pre-fight rendition of our national anthem has made him everyone’s punching bag – the National Historical Institute is contemplating filing a criminal suit against him for violating a law which prohibits the song from being sung differently from the Julian Felipe-arranged march; a congressman has filed a resolution to investigate Nievera in aid of legislation; and songwriter Ryan Cayabyab was even reported by a newspaper as having previously admonished Martin to stick to the traditional version. Fortunately for Martin, others have come out in his defense citing artistic license and the fact that he sung with "great feeling".

Martin’s version of the Lupang Hinirang may not have sat well with everyone, but it does raise some interesting questions. For one, does the constitutional guarantee of free speech apply to the “mangling” of the national anthem? While I would be careful to elevate this to the level of flag burning, I seem to recall that Philippine case law does not protect disrespect of the flag. If that were anything to go by then Martin might be in for it, but he can always claim that he meant no disrespect. On the other hand, is the NHI unfairly singling out Martin? Isn’t the version played out in cinemas prior to the first and last full shows also sung in violation of the law? Americans take a lot of liberties with the Star Spangled Banner, singing it all jazzed up or just plain godawful- remember comedienne Roseanne Barr who croaked the SSB before a baseball game, only to be booed by the audience, whereupon she defiantly grabbed her crotch? However unpleasant that sight may be shouldn't we have equal rights in that regard?

Personally, I didn’t like The Nievera Version and think that if Simon Cowell had judged that performance he would label it “indulgent” and “over the top”. However, I wouldn't go to the extent of suggesting that Martin be strung up from the nearest flagpole as he belts out "ang mamatay nang dahil sa iyo!". Maybe Martin should have taken a cue from the great Sir Tom Jones who, on the same stage, sang God Save the Queen simply, manly, and with great dignity. In short, a class act. Of course Jones was singing for the other side which lost, but that's another story.

In the end more important issues cry out for our collective attention: Typhoon Emong has just left a swath of destruction, the national deficit is ever balooning, and the 2010 elections are just around the corner. Then there is Manny Pacquiao to celebrate. The fuss about Martin is - like his singing - all noise and columnists, pundits and assorted kibitzers (Miztuh Blogwell included) will fortunately find other topics to bark about. One good thing to come out of all this is the revelation that our nation is not made the less by Martin's folly. If at all, it has revealed one of our strengths and that is that our society is democratic enough to tolerate really bad acts.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Assorted Wingdings

“I felt sorry for Nicole as the victim of this mess…But on hindsight, after hearing of Nicole’s departure to the United States and now knowing that she has decided to start a life there – my view has taken a full 360 degree swing.” (Criticizing the Smith CA Ruling by Sara Soliven de Guzman, The Philippine Star, 27 April 2009) Someone must have been in the washroom retouching her makeup when her geometry teacher was teaching how to measure an angle. A full 360 degrees is a circle, thus restoring to Sara Soliven de Guzman her sympathies for Nicole. If she had been less zealous in her self-righteousness Ms. de Guzman might have realized that she only needs 180 degrees to express her contempt for Nicole.

Have been seeing an odd sight on EDSA these days: white shirted and be-jeaned men with yellow reflectorized sashes draped across their torsos standing alongside the metro traffic aides. By their official-looking mien (or are they just bored and hungry?) and what seemed to be traffic tickets they were holding, I can only deduce that they must have something to do with traffic management. Sort of like aides to the traffic aides. Neat - a solution not just to the horrid traffic, but to rising unemployment. And the only cost to the government must be the reflectorized sashes as - judging from the shabby condition of their tees and jeans – the uniforms were provided by the individuals themselves. Shouldered by the private sector, salary is variable and is based on an incentive scheme that works like this: flag bus, cite for traffic violations, extort as much as you can. Must be BF’s idea of a private-public partnership. It’s also an idea that ranks up there with those pink urinals.

Speaking of redundancies, when clearing customs in the NAIA arrivals terminal you’ll have to have the customs officer stamp your declaration form. However, you’ll notice that you don’t surrender the form to that officer. You surrender it to another officer who stands at the exit which is, oh, five feet away from the customs officer who just stamped your declaration.

Even with all those additional congressmen, the House still couldn’t muster a quorum to impeach Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez, never mind that Congress is still in session. Fortunately or not, it wasn’t due to any organized political move by majority congressmen, but by their hying off to Las Vegas to watch the Pacquiao-Hatton fight. Foremost among the absentees is House Speaker Prospero Nograles who - when asked why he is among the House delinquents - petulantly declared that he has never missed watching a Pacquiao fight live. Oo nga naman, why break a perfect record? Tsk, we should be more sympathetic.

First there was avian flu, then swine flu, now congressmen flew. Ok, that didn’t work…

To be fair, many congressmen are not attending the Pacquiao fight and are just as annoyed by the absence of their Las Vegas-bound colleagues. Some of them have even suggested that since the current swine flu epidemic has been raised by the WHO to near-pandemic status, those congressmen who went to the US (where the flu has spread from Mexico) must be quarantined on their return to the Philippines. If it wasn’t for the health of the other congressmen who stayed behind, I would even suggest that they all be quarantined together IN Congress. That way, whatever sicknesses they carry – and that includes insensitivitis, kapalmukhaytis, and the corruptorola virus, to name a few – just circulate amongst themselves.